new beginnings…


this morning I untangled the sheets, got out of bed & felt as though my week just past had gotten away from me. lots of small projects not started. a feeling of messages still waiting to be perceived. magic to be done.
A few moments ago I was holding this bit of fabric I started on today & marveling over how fine the thread is. and then I smiled & thought, FINE. things are just fine. sometimes these little moments ‘in between’….are like a comma. a breathing space in the busy-ness of of life.

qiuet calm

qiuet calm

After a week or so of thinking, epiphanies, and communicating..I realized it was time to do something patient and silent. I worked for a bit on a lovely new lacy yarn that called me into a goodwill the other day. My favorite crystal happened to be sitting there next to it & seemed rather appropriate somehow.

The Ouroboros Our thoughts build our Reality….Our Reality,


The Ouroboros

Our thoughts build our Reality….Our Reality, colors our Thoughts. Which further changes our ‘reality’.

And so the snake eats its tail.

Ok, so the lithograph ‘snake’ has wings, they are calling it an Ouroboros, which is the time honored snake-eating-its-tail symbol so I can go with it for now.

Last night, I had  a dream of a quite large snake. I assumed it was a cottonmouth or a water moccasin as I am from the East Coast. As I lay there in bed however, I had memory of my mother telling me about her pet boa constrictor, named Eve, that she kept in my bedroom. (I know right? Who keeps a boa constrictor in their kids bedroom?)  I grabbed my smart (some days I say smart-ish) phone and googled ‘boa constrictor’. Gulp. That’s the snake I saw, except looking decidedly more terror inciting. boa constrictor

The first thing I thought of as my mouth dried up and my heart tap danced, was how some Shamans say that its wise to look twice at any animal that really fills you with fear. Somehow that I shared a bedroom with one of this fellows cousins, and still felt this sliver of terror seemed…important.

In my dreamtime it was quite clear that this was not ‘any old snake’ as its markings seemed quite important. And so while snake totem brings many things to the table, it seemed important to dig deeper than Generic Snake. Thinking how much work & time it would have taken 20 years ago to get this info, I typed in Totem Boa Constrictor to google. The first site that came up brought along the following assignations: Always remaining alert, keeping your eyes open. Seeing the truth. They shed their skin frequently, and this pointed to messages about renewal. Perhaps reminders to let go of old memories, old ways, to make room for the new. An interesting way one person talked of this type of snake was as a signal that it was time to try on different skins. To let go of the image you have of yourself that stems from how your parents, boyfriends, children, etc. see you. (and I’d add to that, how they NEED you to be) To be who you really are.

This all spoke to me pretty handily. I’ve spent the past few years looking at who I really am, and shedding old roles that were not really me. Learning to deal with empathy in such a way as to not ‘become’ each person I engaged with. Where does this lingering fear come from? What aspect do I still fear? Am I still frightened to ‘be myself’? I do not think so. But I can say, that there may be a lingering fear over Really Seeing things clearly. I think its a good time to remind myself that often, the fear we have over a thing, person, situation, etc., is worse than the actuality.

What am I afraid to see? To be?